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How to be Assertive with Domineering Friends

A domineering friend, is a friend that others would usually avoid confronting with. Like a dictator, they are bossy and like to order others around harshly. Their victims are usually the submissive ones. They are arrogant and sometimes can be very mean. They are rude and like to push their victims around physically to get what they want. What would you do if you can't avoid them? How do you stand for yourself when facing with a domineering friend?

Do not fear them, instead feel sympathy for them.

Their arrogance and rudeness indicates that they are problematic. Whatever causes them to be the way they are, whether the way they were brought up; somebody needs to show them that their behavior towards others is just not right. Sadly they are feared by others that no one dare to make them realize their mistakes. The truth is that no one can change them except themselves. Making them stop what they are doing, there and then, is the first step towards educating them.

Practice the act of confidence

When you are sympathetic and have the intention to help them, the fearful feelings will slowly melt down. At the same time build up your confidence by learning to look at a person in the eyes when talking to that person. Practice to speak out clearly, calmly and firmly. Learn to speak up. Voice out your opinions and thoughts. Use the “I” statement when doing so. Just practice a lot and it will become natural. Try not to beat around the bush when explaining, instead make your statement concise, just go direct to the point. Make it firm. Be assertive.

Show your disapproval and stop the aggressiveness there and then

When a domineering friend grabs you by your hand or by your waist, just push her away and ask her what she really want from you. Look her in the eyes and tell her clearly and sternly that you do not like to be treated that way. If she commanded you in a rude manner or using a harsh statement, look at her in the face confusedly, and ask her to rephrase her statement. Tell her politely that you don't understand harsh words. She may response aggressively by making more harsh and hurtful statements. Just ignore her. If you are consistent in your reactions towards her bad manners, sooner or later she will realize that you don't like and doesn't entertain her bad behavior.

Be honest about what you want

Be assertive about your preferences. Let others know clearly what you like or dislike. Allowing others, especially your domineering friend to take you for granted means lack of self-respect. Remind them sternly if they forget. You deserve to be respected. If your domineering friend ignore your desire, then she doesn't deserve your respect. Ignore her the next time she demands something from you.

Learn to say 'No'

When forced by your domineering friend to do something you don't want to do, sternly say 'no'. If she tries to persuade you to change your mind, firmly stick to your decision, even it occurs to your mind that she might be right. The point here is to make her understand that she cannot fool you around. She might be right this time round, maybe you lose an opportunity; but by saying 'yes' indicates that you can be easily controlled by her. She won't be hesitate to play around on you the next time.

Dealing with a domineering friend is not easy especially when you are a submissive or a shy person. When facing a domineering friend let the feelings of your past experiences with her overcome your shyness, fears and obedience. The insult, the shame, the irritation, don't let it happen again. Control yourself before she controls you. Have the courage to take the first few steps and keep on going. Don't wait or rely on others to stand for you. Fight for yourself wisely, it makes you stronger and a better person, and earn the respect you deserve from others.

About the author: Nur Nuha writes from her heart. Feel free to contact her at nurnuha@learn-wisely.com